favorite things...

i know you're dying to get to know me...

so i've compiled 20 of my favorite things...

and they are...

hand sanitizer.


aggressive hi-fives.


mtn dew.


ray ban wayfarer glasses.


toms shoes.


american sign language.


burt's bees lip balm.




hand holding.


exacto knives.


spray adhesive.

krylon spray paint.


post-modern furniture.





some music i've been obsessively listening to lately...



rocky votolato.


wu tang.


city and colour.



win some, lose some...

the shitty year of 2010 is about to come to a close...

you know what that means? new year's resolutions.

i've decided, for the first time, to make a new year's resolution. according to statistics, only about 1% of those who make a new year's resolution actually see it through... so the odds aren't in my favor.

fuck it.

i'm going to give it a shot.

what are my resolutions, you might ask?

1. quit smoking (this one has to stick)
2. exercise more frequently
3. eat healthier
4. spend more time finding beauty in the small things
5. go back to school
6. dance more often in public
7. laugh more
8. don't take life too seriously
9. volunteer at least 3 different times at 3 different places
10. accept happiness and not be afraid

now, i know setting myself up for failure is a specialty of mine, but these seem like reasonable goals that i can accomplish.

i'm keeping my fingers crossed. hopefully i don't screw this up, but heck, i have all year to work on it.



just a few from xmas

openin' christmas jammies.


gentleman pj's.


kaitlyn picked these out, of course.


me and uncle kake.


uncoordinated family foto.


annnnd the first time trying to use the timer.


this boy definitely has my heart.


phil looks wicked creepy.


oh these boys.


shae couldn't help opening blake's presents for him.


ho... ho... ho...


The events of this past week have been ridiculous.

I got in a car accident... it was no fun. My car is fucked, turns out I cracked a rib, and had to pay $300 to get it outta the tow yard. $300 I don't have, luckily, Blake came to the rescue, once again. I really don't deserve how wonderful he is to me.

Then there's the dreaded Christmas. I hate the holidays more than Hitler hated Jews.

Christmas Eve at my mom's... we were all there. The kids were having a blast. Blake and my mom/step-dad get along so well. Its such a relief. We went back to my house, opened xmas jammies with Jason, Kaitlyn, Kane, Shaelyn and Zion. It was so much fun.

Then Christmas morning... I really loved watching Shae and Zion open their gifts. They're such sweeties. Blake got me 2 books (one of which I was dying for) and a new purse (not to mention the two dresses and new coat). I was nervous about him having a really good Christmas, since this is the first one in 12 years he was without his ex... He said he had a great one, thankfully! He enjoyed his jammies, jersey and video camera... it was a successful Christmas morning.

Then... we took a long ass nap. It was much needed and soooo lovely.

Then... Christmas dinner.... at the Foard's house. I was very nervous since this was the first time meeting his parents. I just wanted everything to go smoothly, and, of course, I wanted them to like me. His dad was the first I met... He's amazing! His mother is so fucking fantastic! I had such a great time. I'm glad I was able to spend time with the whole Foard family on Christmas.

So I survived Christmas... My ribs hurt. My car is jacked. I'm broke as fuck... but I'm around the people I love. I couldn't ask for more <3


new best friend...

this boy is quickly becoming my new best friend.

i am 100% okay with it.

words really can't describe what a positive impact he's had on my life.

i am forever greatful.


i've been told recently that i should not worry too much about what the future holds.

this has been seemingly impossible for me.

there are too many important decisions that i've recently been faced with about my future.

the most important is school. i've been struggling trying to figure out what school i should go to. Gallaudet University, the first and only Deaf university in the US located in Washington DC - OR - Utah Valley University in Provo, Utah. UVU has an excellent ASL program and a wonderful ASL Teaching program, which is what I want to do. Gallaudet is a dream school and has the best ASL program, but not a teaching program.

i've been weighing the pro's and con's of both schools. they are similar in price, so that's not a determining factor.

i'm leaning towards UVU. i love the courses being offered for the ASL/Deaf Education specifically for high school. i think i'm gonna go with that!

now begins the task of gathering my transcripts from the two colleges i attended in california, applying for financial aid, finding an apartment in provo, getting funding through vocational rehabilitation (one perk of being hard of hearing), and getting accepted.

i'm nervous.
i don't want to fail.
i won't know unless i try.

so we'll see how this goes.


can you hear me now?


after months and months of waiting, i have been approved to get my hearing aids.

yes, i said hearing aids.

luckily, the ones i am getting aren't too big. maybe i need to grow my hair out now so you can't see 'em. hmm....

eh. i'm hoping i'll be able to get the black and white ones (pictured below).


dear tarantula,

last night i had a dream that blake and i were hiking through costa rica. i climbed to the top of a very tall tree to look out over the vast jungle. we continued hiking. then. all of a sudden. a fucking tarantula jumped onto my chest. it was huuuuge and red and hairy and so terrifying.

so, my co-worker suggested i look up what my dream meant. according to http://www.auntyflo.com/dream-dictionary/tarantula this is what it means...

Female Meaning: If you are a female you need to trust your intuition.

This dream is associated with conflict or some female that is taking over your life.

The key to interpretation is to understand that there are females around you at the moment are extremely powerful. The tarantula is also associated with entrapment. If you kill the tarantula then this signifies that you are able to work yourself through the feeling of being trapped. Maybe you are starting to feel trapped in your job or a relationship. The second interpretation is feeling that you are stepping away from a situation that has been difficult in the past and that you have the power and force in order to mould behaviour towards others.

Ancient dream dictionary (tarantula Pre-1920s)...

Seeing a tarantula in ones dream means that you have many enemies behind closed doors and it is time for you to be happy and move on in your life. There may be some ill luck coming your way.

•White tarantula = healing, hope, energy.
•Jet Black tarantula = dishonesty, terror, disappointment.
•Red tarantula = guard, happy, passion.
•Green tarantula = Calm, sadness, time to recover.
•Blue tarantula = moving on, engagement, content.
•Yellow tarantula = Happy, random events, strangeness.
•Striped Spider = things are not what they seem.
•Hairy tarantula = look under the surface for the result.
•Tarantula Tickling you = life is too short do what makes you happy.
•Giant tarantula = Things seem bigger than what they are look inside to discover your own feelings.
•Spots on the tarantula = stressful times will pass.


basically, nothing good.
am i suprised? no.

weekend from hell...

this weekend was ridiculous, to say the least.

being sick, people talking shit, too many dr's visits... fuck.

my brother's birthday party was on saturday. felt good to act like a kid again. incredible pizza co. is a blast. especially two grown ass men playing laser tag. i'm so glad those two get along so well...


then... the Foard's ugly sweater christmas party (including a white elephant gift exchange). luckily, blake went with his gut and opted for a machete... including two coconuts. now, if you know the Foards or any of their friends, you can just imagine how excited everyone was... and how much trouble this could get us all into. richard, blake's brother, was the one who ended up with the machete and coconuts, which is wildly appropriate for him. naturally, the party ended up outside where blake was tossing the coconuts to richard, in a baseball-esque manner.

i honestly didn't think that machete would be able to chop through coconuts like they did. it was truly one of the best christmas parties i have ever been to.


basically. it was a shitty weekend (i'm leaving out a lot), but overall, i'm happy.

i couldn't ask for more... i do, but i shouldn't.


hair did...

Officially going to try my hand at dying my own hair... we'll see how this turns out.

quotations with quotations with...

"Albert Camus wrote that the only serious question is whether to kill yourself or not. Tom Robbins wrote that the only serious question is whether time has a beginning and an end. Camus clearly got up on the wrong side of bed, and Robbins must have forgotten to set the alarm. There is only one serious question. And that is: Who knows how to make love stay? Answer me that and I will tell you whether or not to kill yourself."
— Tom Robbins

where to begin...

I'm not very good at this whole "blogging" thing, but I figure I'd give it a shot.

Sometimes I have too much to say.

Sometimes I have nothing to say.

Either way, I hope one day to have love like this...